my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
