dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
