I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
