R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
