Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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