I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
