so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I understand Curling. That high.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
