oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
