Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
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I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
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My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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