ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
