I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
