Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
This is my gift to your gina
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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