i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
