dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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