You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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