I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
