im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
