its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
