I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
