maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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