Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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