It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
