Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
