i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
