I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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