so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
