You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
