i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
