HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Randomize
