Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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