sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
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Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
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The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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