the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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