i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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