and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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