I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
