I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Shame is for Republicans.
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