I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
