He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
