Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
