I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
