We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
