It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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