i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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