my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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