After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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