White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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