oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
