Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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