Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
