My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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