my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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