ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize