Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
