Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
