Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
