Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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