Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
