i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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