Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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