I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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