honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
