Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
