You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Randomize
