you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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