Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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