im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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