You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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