1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry