Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
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Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
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We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door