Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?