The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
