Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Most Annoying Things Drivers Do on the Road
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
People Share What It’s Really Like to Date Long Distance
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.