I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual