and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
