We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
