I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
