I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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