ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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