The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?