I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?