man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
