Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
