so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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